Dear World

Dear World,
You do not know me but you have seen me. You will have noticed me at the mall, the park or even just on the street. I am hard to miss sometimes, I stand out more than other kids and sometimes I am pretty loud (sorry). I know you see me because I often see you watching me. Some of you watch me out of the corner of your eye, some over the tops of newspapers and some of you just stare as I go past.

Sometimes you will talk to me or smile at me, I like it when people smile at me (especially when I am being loud or making a lot of noise) those smiles make me feel good. Sometimes I do not feel good so anything that helps is awesome. Sometimes people will say hello to me, not very often but some people do. I do not know why more people do not smile or say hello after all I smile and say hello to almost everybody, I like doing this. I wonder why people don’t say hello back. My dad says sometimes people are just rude but I do not care I will say hello anyway because I am not rude. It seems silly that people will stare at me but as soon as I look at them they turn away, dad says it is because they do not understand me. I do not understand them, why do they seem so interested in me but don’t look at my eyes? Dad tells me I should always look into peoples eye as this is the window to the soul, are they scared of my soul?

Sometimes when people talk to me they think I am a baby and talk to me like I do not understand them. This is weird because I am not a baby, I am bigger than a baby and I can understand everything they say but they still talk slow or really loud. Sometimes they talk to my dad about me when I am right there but it is like they cannot see me? Why do they ask him questions about me when I can tell them myself, that is weird. Sometimes people say awful things that make my dad mad, really mad and I see him get grumpy. I want him to not feel bad and I wonder why people say awful things about me to him. I hear these things and they make me sad as well but I tell my dad that everything is ok and I pretend I did not hear them (I did).

I like playing with other kids, they do not seem to ask silly questions but they do ask questions. They ask things about me and I like it when they do because then I can tell them things. I do not know everything but I now more than most people, my dad knows loads of big words that he uses to explain things but i don’t. Adults ask stupid questions but kids ask awesome ones that are easy to answer and afterwards they just go ok and we can get on with playing. I wonder why grownups cannot do that, I thought they were supposed to be smarter than kids?

Some of my friends do not get stared at all the time like I do, they only get stared at when they are being really really loud. People think they are being naughty but they aren’t, the noises and things around them sometimes make them feel really grumpy or mad. When they are being grumpy and loud people stare at them then and say awful things to them and their dads, they just don’t understand I think. If I get grumpy I get loud but not as much as they do.

My dad told me I was different when I was a baby and would always be different, he says I am a different type of perfect (I like it when he says that). He said that in this world there all different types of people and I am just a type of people that is rarer than others, yip I am a rare different type of perfect. I will always be like this and I will always have people staring at me, or talking to me like I am a baby and sometimes saying terrible things to my dad but that is ok. It has to be ok because I can’t change it, dad says I should not have to as it is other people who need to change not me. It is not my fault some people are rude they just don’t know what it is like to be me. If they said hello they would know, but most don’t.

I sometimes wish I could get up and run away but i can’t because my legs don’t work to good, I sometimes wish I could stand up and yell at people who say mean things to my dad but i can’t because I cannot talk and most people cannot understand my sign language. I used to wish I was like everyone else but I don’t anymore because I see that most people are less happy than I am and they do not think things that I think are awesome are. I can see loads from down here in my wheelchair and I hear things that other people think I can’t, it is like being invisible sometimes. I keep smiling at people and saying hello because I like to do that and just because they do not say hello back is ok because that is another thing that makes me a different type of perfect, I am nice to everyone and do not care if you are different.

KB

Published by

kellyboy

In 2011 I became the father to a child with special needs, a different type of perfect beautiful girl to add to my equally perfect (in a normal way) son. As my journey continues I find my best way to vent my feelings good and bad is through writing. This blog is for me to get my emotions out, if this can help another family like mine it would be great. My feelings are not rare in families like mine, maybe someone seeing some of their feelings in my words will make them feel a little less alone. Please feel free to comment or contact me at anytime, I look forward to your feedback. Kelly "Boy" Dugan

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